Close Encounters of the First Kind

The first and most important thing you need to know about me is this: I love Kate McKinnon. I mean that in the platonic sense. I'm straight, not that there's anything wrong with being homosexual, but now we're just replaying that episode of Jerry Seinfeld we've all seen. Still, everything Kate does makes me laugh; I share her zany sense of humor, deadpan delivery, and goofy grin.

Call it fate, but I watched one of her SNL skits, Close Encounter, just before my own close encounter with Anaheim Police Department. I'm glad I did because it gave me a realistic comp for my own situation.

In case you're not following this near-perfect analogy, I'll break it down for you. I'm basically Ms. Rafferty, abducted by the grey aliens with big fat eyes. Trust me, I ended up on the wrong floor, and it felt real off the books.

What's the point of sharing this? To set the tone for this blog because, as much as I like fancy cars and nice clothes, I'm really just an irreverent goofball who's here to tell those weird little aliens, "No more knocker stuff, boys."