Dear Audi, I Need a Getaway Vehicle

Dear Audi,

Since I could be arrested at any moment without reason or cause regardless of how many times I call the cops and leave messages to try to report my side of the story, I need a getaway vehicle. Plus, anyone who knows me at all is well aware of my obsession with fast cars, beautiful cars, classic cars, and, well, just cars.

My grandfather, Dawson Hadley, was a drag racer in his younger years and developed the electronic fuel injection systems used on cars today. Clearly, some of that need-for-speed got into my blood. Yes, I grew up watching Top Gun. Get used to the movie references because there's more where that came from.

While my grandpa was a leftie and good-natured creative like me, that's where the similarities end. I could not build or repair a car to save my life. No mechanical genius here. Still, I've always imagined my soulmate would be a car buff, and I'm happiest when I'm driving, especially at top speeds and with the radio at full volume. I even make sound effects if no one is in the car with me. Vroom vroom. Tease all you want, but I bet you wish you enjoyed the simple things in life like I do.

Obviously, the Bat Mobile is the best option if you're trying to escape the bad guys, but it isn't available. I checked. There are, however, some decent alternatives on the market.

I really want an Audi R8 Coupe, but I was taught never to buy something if you know you'd have a total meltdown when it got scratched or dented. Starting at $162,900, the Iron Man car sets my heart on fire like no man ever has. Unless Audi decides to sponsor me as the official brand bad girl who's really a good girl so as not to damage the brand's reputation (hint, hint, my German friends), the R8 is also outside of my budget. The V10 Plus has 610 horsepower and can go from 0 to 60 in 3.2 seconds: more than enough horsepower to outrace the cops. But I want to look good while making my escape, and the R8 looks damn fine if I do say so myself.

Audi, if you do read this and need the perfect spokeswoman, I would like the V10 Plus in Daytona Gray Pearl, sport front seats in black with express red stitching. While you're at it, you may as well throw in the upgraded wheels and the Bang & Olufsen sound system. Pretty please.

More realistically, my getaway vehicle will be the Audi A4. If you're going to make a statement, make sure it's an intelligent one, right Audi? See, I'm already learning my lines for the day I'm selected as their spokeswoman. With 252 horsepower (nobody buys the other one, right?), it's still got what it takes to handle a car chase and can blend more easily when I do my Catwoman-style night patrols of the streets of Orange County. Hey, someone's gotta do it, and you definitely don't want the grey aliens out there.

Runners up: the Audi TT or a Ducati Diavel. What's a girl to do with all these choices?

Just this once, I'm allowing comments so you can vote on my getaway vehicle. Play nice or I'll take away comment privileges. ;)

Yours truly,